Much harder then I thought...

This is SO much harder then I thought it would be. Being the second time, I thought it would be easier to deal with, but it is so much more difficult. I am keeping it all bottled up inside and know that I need a really good cry, just haven't yet. I took yesterday off of work to regroup and Gerry had to drag me out of bed to at least have something to eat. Today I went into work, but only lasted a half a day before breaking down. Everyone there knows and they just look at me with such pity. I know they all mean well, but it is so hard to concentrate on something other then NOT being pregnant. I so feel like I have disappointed SO many people especially my husband. Maybe if he had know that I couldn't have his child his choice would have been different? Why did I have to be born with these reproductive abnormalities? What did I do so bad to be punished by God to never, ever have my prayers answered?

Everyone has been so supportive. I am just really frustrated when people start offering their opinions like we haven't already thought of every single one of their ideas. People who have not cared to ask about why we chose surrogacy or really cared to follow in our journey at all. People who I am sure feel that we made the wrong decision or that its not 'normal' to do surrogacy. I have read hateful and mean posts on forums of people saying its, 'disgusting' and 'selfish'. It really hurts when you don't know someones whole story to make such comments about others.

ADOPTION!!!! If one more person tells me to adopt, I think I am going to scream. Like that wasn't our first choice and we haven't completely looked into both domestic and international adoption. When they can give us the $30-40,000 AND guarantee that the birth mother won't change her mind while we are waiting at the hospital elated to take our baby home and have to leave heartbroken and empty handed, OR have to send her letters and photos every single year we celebrate OUR babies birthday OR have a nosy social worker come into our home and pick apart every little thing about our health, finances, etc. OR have to wait years and years before we may be eligible to get a toddler OR have to struggle with the foster system. NOW, who wants to mention ADOPTION again to us????? I am truly sorry to those who have offered their opinions and don't mean to sound hateful or ungrateful, just sometimes its nice for someone to just say 'sorry' and they are here if you need them. Opinions and ideas are the very last thing we need right now. I know EVERYONE means well, but for lack of better words, unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you don't know how they feel or what they are going through.

And just for the record, because I have 2 small uteri we cannot do IVF treatments on me for fear of multiples as I am at high risk in the first place for pre-term labor with just a single birth. So...that is not an option either.

So, for the last time...YES we have thoroughly looked into adoption and other options and when and if it is something we can or choose to do we will happily do so.

Its not all about having our own child, its about having a family of our own, raising a child or our own and growing old remembering all the wonderful family times we have had together(like I so dearly cherish about my own childhood). Yes, part of me does want to look at my baby and see my squinty little eyes or Grandpa's double chin or Daddy's beautiful smile. Who doesn't want their own child, for others to say, "Oh, they look just like you or Daddy."

Unless you have never struggled with infertility you have NO IDEA!!! I guess that's why my support group buddies are so near and dear to me, they know not to give opinions just love, support and words of condolence.

Thank you truly to EVERYONE for their heartfelt support and love. I know you all mean well. I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings(that was not my intentions), but just think about what you say before you say it. I suppose that sometimes things are better left unsaid.

Another negative result...

I am starting to believe I will never know what it will feel like to be a mother. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I don't know if I can bear never being a mother. It is all I want in the world and can't imagine never knowing what it will be like to hold my baby in my arms. I love my husband but I can't comprehend growing old just the 2 of us.
thank you all for your love, prayers and support. Sorry to disappoint everyone once again with bad news.

I think we might burst holding our breath...

So glad you are all enjoying Gerry's posts. He truly is my better half and I am so lucky to have him in my life!

We are going crazy with anticipation of our results. Last night we spoke with the Docs and they said all the Surrogates are at the clinic doing well, keeping busy chatting and knitting and watching T.V. It sounds like one big slumber party. It makes us so happy to know they are all staying positive and being taken such great care of. Our surrogate had her blood test yesterday morning(Monday a.m India time). So we are down to the count as the blood is sent away to a lab and they will receive the results in approximately 2 days time. We both admit it is much harder waiting this time then last as we are together and driving each other nuts and everyone else is calling and asking almost every moment of the day so we can't even forget or take our mind off of it for even a minute. My Mom said this is harder then waiting for me to have the baby myself. I got in trouble yesterday for not having the phone next to me when she called in case I heard something by now. We truly want this more then we both have wanted anything else in our lives. It is hard to really describe the feelings. We are just continuing to pray and I am reading my book on staying positive. Please continue to think positive and send all your good vibes to India while the blood is being tested for a positive pregnancy result!

This is me with Gerry's Mumbai Indian's (cricket team)shirt that was bought for him, but didn't fit, so I go it...sorry Honey, I do look good though!

Some food for thought

 

 Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to write comments on my posts, I am glad that they are proving to be a bit helpful to some of you. I am actually enjoying writing, as I think of points to write about and look through all of the wonderful pictures that we have taken, I get to think back to all of the great times Rhonda and I have shared during our visits to India. A few of you have asked questions concerning the food in Mumbai. This is definitely an important aspect of the trip, hey, everybody has to eat!!! For Rhonda and I, we are at opposite ends of the food spectrum, I like food to be spicy, Rhonda doesn't. I like to try new and different foods, Rhonda plays it pretty safe. A definite recommendation prior to your trip is to find an Indian restaurant and try some of the different foods. Rhonda and I, luckily enough, have an awesome couple as our good friends, who are from India and are living in Phoenix. Melanie is from Mumbai and her husband Brijesh is from Bangalore which is in the south of India. They took us to two different Indian restaurants, one was vegetarian and the other was non-vegetarian. They ordered a bunch of different dishes and we were able to try a good sampling of what food India had to offer. I enjoyed the non-veg (they serve meat) restaurant a bit more. The hotel we stayed in had an incredible breakfast buffet with both Indian and western foods to chose from. Since we had gone and eaten at Indian restaurants prior to traveling to Mumbai, we were comfortable in knowing what foods we liked and what we didn't like. When making your hotel bookings it's a good idea to check to see if they have a breakfast buffet. It is definitely a great way to start the day. At most hotels and restaurants it is safe to drink the water including juices and milkshakes. Ice in the hotels and restaurants is OK as well. We drank bottled water mostly since we could get it cold. Most Indians do not have ice in their drinks since it is not readily available. When purchasing water always check that there is a seal prior to opening it. At your hotel and restaurants they will make a point of showing you that there is a seal prior to opening it. Street food no matter how good it smells, and believe me it smells great! DO NOT eat it, the process of handling, cooking and serving it is not as hygienic as in your hotel and restaurants. As for different restaurants, the great thing about going with Surrogacy India is that Dr.Sudhir and Dr. Yash know all of the good restaurants. My favorite was a place in Bandra called BBQ Nation. Your table has a small grill in the center of it and all throughout your meal, the servers are constantly bringing you skewers of chicken, fish, prawns, potatoes, vegetables and paneer (Indian cheese) They also bring you different types of chicken, mutton, fish and vegetables and put a bit on everyones plate. But remember to save room since there is a full buffet complete with dessert and something that you definitely have to try, Gulab jamun, which are small, hot balls of pastry in a sweet syrup and best when eaten over ice cream, Yummy!!! There are a couple of great Chinese restaurants that we tried, Mainland China in Andeheri was very authentic having the rice cooked in clay pots, and the other was in the Peninsula hotel and was very good as well. At both restaurants the service was fantastic, they made you feel like you were a VIP. A fun restaurant to go to is Tator Pops. they are a chain and are like a fun family restaurant where you can kick back and have finger foods or full meals and enjoy some drinks during happy hour (which runs all day). This one you will get a laugh from. Believe it or not, I think that the best pizza Rhonda and I have eaten was from Pizza Hut in Mumbai. I mean it, the cheese and the pepperoni tasted incredible. The menu has quite a bit of variety in the choices of toppings, with western style such as pepperoni or Hawaiian or Indian such as Chicken Tikka (spiced chicken cooked in a clay oven). Another place we tried was good old KFC, and in India don't call it Kentucky Fried Chicken, they won't know what you are talking about. If you are venturing over to Juhu Beach area, there are two great spots to try while over there. The first is one of the best seafood restaurants in Mumbai. It's called Mahesh Lunch Home. Great place to have fresh seafood and I mean fresh, they actually bring it to your table alive to show you. I recommend the lobster and the prawn biryani (rice cooked with prawns). The second restaurant is called DelItalia, a small and quaint hole in the wall with authentic Italian cuisine and great garlic bread, Rhonda's favorite. We are not fancy, and Mumbai has a mix of people from different walks of life. If you want to dress up and go to a 5 star restaurant you can and if you want to go in your shorts and t-shirt, like I do, then you can do that as well. When it comes to tipping, ensure that you check the bill, the tip may be already included in the total, it will come under the hearing of service charge. If it is not included, you normally take 10% of the total and that is the tip in Rupees. They are not like the US and expect 15 or 20% tip, and the service is far superior. If you want to add more, feel free but it is not necessary. If anyone is interested, our friend Brijesh made us a food cheat sheet complete with pictures and descriptions of different Indian food. We found it quite useful to identify foods. We can email this to anyone that requests it. Once again email Rhonda at frankiewile@cox.net. Well once again I hope this was helpful. It sure is helping to keep my mind occupied while we are waiting on pins and needles for our results.

Just me again, with more pointers

It's me again, Gerry, I hope I didn't scare any of our loyal followers away with my last post. I feel that there is a lot of useful information to be passed on and if it helps just one person then it was worth it.

Well I guess I will continue where I left off. Internet access is something that we definitely take for granted. Our hotel had free wireless internet when we first travelled to Mumbai in April. All we had to do was connect to the hotels network and we were able to get on to the internet. It was slow but manageable. When we recently travelled to Mumbai, and again stayed at the same hotel, and coincidentally, the same room, we had to get a password to allow us access to the hotels network. It took several calls to the front desk and the internet staff, but eventually we were able to get on the internet. It was very slow and we were unable to access several sites, the most important one being our blog. We were told that it was free and so we left it on for hours at a time with hopes that it would connect to the sites that we wanted. Upon checkout we were shocked when reviewing our bill, there was a charge for the "free" internet. A pretty hefty charge of over 13000 Rupees which is over $300 US. After pointing this out to the manager and telling him that we were told that the internet was free, the charges were removed. The moral is that we take free hotel internet access for granted, make sure that you find out if there will be any charges for internet usage before logging on.

Money is always a subject that is important. Carrying US dollars to Mumbai and then exchanging them in Mumbai will give you the best exchange rate. Travellers checks proved to be a great big hassle. The rate is lower than dollars,and it is difficult to find a money exchange that won't charge a fee to exchange them for rupees. It is very safe to carry US dollars to Mumbai, and use the hotels in-room safe to keep them secure. Exchange as much as you need and keep an eye on the exchange rate as it changes daily. Rupee bills come in denominations of 1000, 500, 50, 20 and 10. There are also rupee coins that come in 5, 2, 1 and 50 paise. Try to keep some small rupee bills for taxis and tips, 10 or 20's will work for this. Credit cards are accepted at most restaurants and larger department type stores. The street vendors will deal only with rupees and remember to haggle. Rhonda even got into haggling, and picked herself up 2 beautiful Punjabi suits and a nice pair of hand made leather shoes at half price.

Well I will give one more pointer for this post so as to not totally bore you to death. Something that both Rhonda and I feel is very important to ensure that you have an enjoyable trip to Mumbai is to go with an open mind. Now this is something that you have to work on constantly. Upon arrival, you will immediately be bombarded with so many things that your senses will be overwhelmed. The sights are amazing, you will not be able to take in everything all at once. There is so much beauty, from the architecture of the buildings, and the different and at times contrasting colors of everything, and if you are fortunate enough to travel during a festival time, be prepared to be amazed. Mixed in with this beauty are the slums, which are everywhere. Mostly metal or wooden walls with a blue tarp roof. The overwhelming number of people at any given time is mind boggling, and with this comes the beautiful and intricate designs of the woman's sari's and other forms of clothing. And again, you will also see the slum dwellers and their tattered clothing or at times lack of clothing. The street noise is at times very overpowering. With so many vehicles on the road (I was told that there are 15000 more vehicles on the each day, Wow!!) and they all use their horn constantly, you can just imagine the noise. I can't leave out the smells. Each day you will encounter the beautiful smells of fresh flowers to the overpowering odor of garbage, and everything in between. Now this is where you have to have an open mind. The beauty can be obscured by the dirt and the filth and the poverty, but look through all of this and enjoy it. The people are incredible. We have never encountered anyone who was not friendly or helpful or happy to interact with a "foreigner" Even the slum dwellers seem happy. A good point to remember as well is to not give any money to the beggars. It's hard to do, but you must ignore them or give them a simple "no thank you" and they will go away.

Well, again this is enough for now. I really think that I am enjoying this. Don't worry, my beautiful wife will continue to write her posts. If anyone has any particular questions, please feel free to email us at frankiewile@cox.net.