Why God created woman...

Feeling very sad and finding it difficult to really get into this next cycle of ours. Looks like it won't be now till closer to Christmas. We feel so out of touch. We aren't there in India this time and all we can do is sit and wait and wonder... Last 2 times we felt as though we had a part, taking shots and the long flight and being there for the whole thing, beginning to end. This time is so much different.

I am finding it very hard to be an active part of the support group. I am so happy to hear others excitement and anticipation of their results and upcoming cycles and positive pregnancies, but overwhelmed with sadness for us. We still don't know why we failed? What went wrong? Why others like us get positives and we continue to keep getting negatives? I am trying to be strong, but part of me wonders if I am the right person to even think of giving anyone of these people hope or advice in this area, especially being the Moderator of the support group forum???

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful, but this stuff really wears on a person. I never imagined growing up that I would ever have this much trouble trying to have a family. Oh to be young again in the back of Mom and Dad's car! Infertility is such a sad and lonely place. Of the simplest terms, I am a woman who was put on this earth to procreate. What use are we if we can't do this simple task? What purpose does a woman have other then to be a mother and raise children? I know I would make a terrible woman's rights activist. But ever since I was a little girl, all i ever wanted was to grow up, marry a wonderful man, have a nice home with a white picket fence and be a MOM. I would trade everything in tomorrow (my career, my possessions, everything) for this one wish. IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD OR PAINFUL TO HAVE A CHILD!!!!

Will I ever get my happy ending?

I am American...

Today was a momentus day for America and for me. I participated in my first election as a citizen of the United States. Those who have followed my blog know that early this year I recieved my American citizenship. I am proud to belong to this country but never forget my Canadian roots. I for one am very proud to be from Canada and will always consider myself a dual citizen of both countries. I am not going to tell you who I voted for, just that I am very proud of my husband who serves as a soldier for the American AirForce and support all of our wonderful men and woman who fight for our freedom. Whoever becomes our new president, I only hope they take care of all of our military troops here in the U.S and over seas.

God Bless the U.S.A.

No matter how old we get, we still need Mommy and Daddy.

Mom and Dad arrived safely yesterday and we were busy bees from he moment their plane landed. Funny thing happened at the airport. A bunch of people from Gerry's Air Force base were there in uniform and we found out that his base Commander was arriving from Afghanistan on the same flight as the folks. So, we teased Gerry he was under dressed for their arrival. We headed to their trailer and started work on it. They bought it literally days before they left for home last year and so we had lots of work to do to make it their own. We've got quite a bit of work ahead of us, but it will be a great little home-away-from-home place for them while they snow-bird here in AZ with us. We are thrilled they are here again and each year that passes we convince them to stay a little bit longer. But no one is more thrilled then Frankie!!!

People who don't even know you???

Why do people make anonymous comments on blogs when it is on stuff they know nothing about??? They make it seem like you are a terrible person for sharing your feelings. They judge you without knowing the whole story (or even a small bit of the story).

Anyone wishing to make comments on our blog please sign your name, nothing is more frustrating for someone to take the time and effort to share, pour out their feeling and really put themselves out there for the world to see only to have someone bash them and be cowardly about it.

If you want your comments posted then you will all have to put yourself out there just as we have so generously done so.

For the person you seems to 'know me so well'. For the record...Have I been selfish and consumed in my journey?...ABSOLUTELY! But, I have NEVER forgot any one of my friends or family during this time, in fact, it has been just the opposite. When you can really use someone to lean on and they abandon you in your toughest of times because they are wrapped up in there own lives and what is important to them...then you can only question the true meaning of friendship. For me, friendship is a 2 way street, if you are there when they need you most, they should only return the favor.

You don't have to agree with either of our opinions or what we have to say, but be kind enough to sign your name. Thanks,

Happy Halloween!!!

Finally got a few more pics of our egg donor today. I stared at her for hours, imagining what our child will look like. I came to the realization...I don't care, I just want a healthy child and she is one of the important pieces that is going to make it all happen.

We had a bunch of trick-or-treaters come to work today. They do a big thing every year where we invite all the kids in Fountain Hills to come to the Nursing facility and the residents give out candy. Gerry came and we both dressed up as, what else...fire fighters. I fooled a few people though as they really thought I was one for real!!! Too funny, like I would know how to fight a fire?! Seeing all the little one in costumes and holding the new born that lives next door, made it more of a reality that we REALLY want a kid!!!!!

Mom and Dad R. arrive in a couple of days from the great white north. I know they are anxious to get out of that cold and down to the sunny Arizona dessert. We can't wait to see them and we get them for 5 whole months! I see them more now that I have moved here then I ever did when I lived in Canada. They got a new place last year in their park before they left so we will be busy fixing it all up to make it their home away from home. They say they are excited to see us, but I know they are more excited to see their grand-doggy Frankie. She is certainly Papa's girl!

Well its off to bed for me, but not before I give a shout out to our dear friends Lisa and Nic who just got the amazing news their Indian surrogate is pregnant. We couldn't be more happy for the two of them. CHEER'S!!!!