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Friday, November 14, 2008

Why God created woman...

Feeling very sad and finding it difficult to really get into this next cycle of ours. Looks like it won't be now till closer to Christmas. We feel so out of touch. We aren't there in India this time and all we can do is sit and wait and wonder... Last 2 times we felt as though we had a part, taking shots and the long flight and being there for the whole thing, beginning to end. This time is so much different.

I am finding it very hard to be an active part of the support group. I am so happy to hear others excitement and anticipation of their results and upcoming cycles and positive pregnancies, but overwhelmed with sadness for us. We still don't know why we failed? What went wrong? Why others like us get positives and we continue to keep getting negatives? I am trying to be strong, but part of me wonders if I am the right person to even think of giving anyone of these people hope or advice in this area, especially being the Moderator of the support group forum???

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful, but this stuff really wears on a person. I never imagined growing up that I would ever have this much trouble trying to have a family. Oh to be young again in the back of Mom and Dad's car! Infertility is such a sad and lonely place. Of the simplest terms, I am a woman who was put on this earth to procreate. What use are we if we can't do this simple task? What purpose does a woman have other then to be a mother and raise children? I know I would make a terrible woman's rights activist. But ever since I was a little girl, all i ever wanted was to grow up, marry a wonderful man, have a nice home with a white picket fence and be a MOM. I would trade everything in tomorrow (my career, my possessions, everything) for this one wish. IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD OR PAINFUL TO HAVE A CHILD!!!!

Will I ever get my happy ending?