As promised...Our Weekend Get-away photos.

PINETOP, ARIZONA

The Christmas crunch is on!!!!

Gerry and I finally got some time to spend together and regroup and prepare for the holidays. After weeks of hard work, Mom and Dad's place is finally all done and it looks amazing. They are so happy with the results and can't thank Gerry enough for all his help.

Yesterday we had a 'date day' and it was so much fun. We spent the day at Arizona Mills (a huge outlet mall) shopping for Christmas gifts and even took some time out to see the movie Role Models. It was an amazing day just sharing and laughing and bonding. WE REALLY NEEDED IT! We got gifts for our surrogate and her family, for our great Docs and for our family and friends here in the U.S. All in all, it was a very productive day. We are certainly down to the crunch as it will take a few weeks to get it all together and mail it off to India in time for Christmas.

Let's hope we can do it!

Our surrogate is AWESOME...

We received a wonderful and much needed surprise, an unexpected email from the Docs the other day. They were trying to send it for a few days but couldn't get the attachment to stick. Well, it was certainly worth the wait. A beautiful video of Rekha, our surrogate. She was trying very hard to speak English with Dr. Yash's help and giggling with embarrassment as she concentrates on each of her spoken words. She tells us she misses us and hopes we have a wonderful Christmas and the most endearing of all, that she will do everything in her power and take all the precautions to ensure we have a pregnancy this time as she is certain we will be successful.

It brought such a big smile to both of our faces and truly made our day.

Why God created woman...

Feeling very sad and finding it difficult to really get into this next cycle of ours. Looks like it won't be now till closer to Christmas. We feel so out of touch. We aren't there in India this time and all we can do is sit and wait and wonder... Last 2 times we felt as though we had a part, taking shots and the long flight and being there for the whole thing, beginning to end. This time is so much different.

I am finding it very hard to be an active part of the support group. I am so happy to hear others excitement and anticipation of their results and upcoming cycles and positive pregnancies, but overwhelmed with sadness for us. We still don't know why we failed? What went wrong? Why others like us get positives and we continue to keep getting negatives? I am trying to be strong, but part of me wonders if I am the right person to even think of giving anyone of these people hope or advice in this area, especially being the Moderator of the support group forum???

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful, but this stuff really wears on a person. I never imagined growing up that I would ever have this much trouble trying to have a family. Oh to be young again in the back of Mom and Dad's car! Infertility is such a sad and lonely place. Of the simplest terms, I am a woman who was put on this earth to procreate. What use are we if we can't do this simple task? What purpose does a woman have other then to be a mother and raise children? I know I would make a terrible woman's rights activist. But ever since I was a little girl, all i ever wanted was to grow up, marry a wonderful man, have a nice home with a white picket fence and be a MOM. I would trade everything in tomorrow (my career, my possessions, everything) for this one wish. IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD OR PAINFUL TO HAVE A CHILD!!!!

Will I ever get my happy ending?

I am American...

Today was a momentus day for America and for me. I participated in my first election as a citizen of the United States. Those who have followed my blog know that early this year I recieved my American citizenship. I am proud to belong to this country but never forget my Canadian roots. I for one am very proud to be from Canada and will always consider myself a dual citizen of both countries. I am not going to tell you who I voted for, just that I am very proud of my husband who serves as a soldier for the American AirForce and support all of our wonderful men and woman who fight for our freedom. Whoever becomes our new president, I only hope they take care of all of our military troops here in the U.S and over seas.

God Bless the U.S.A.