A love a MILLION times stronger

The other day we were at the park.  Gerry and I walked hand in hand as we watched Blaze run through the grass smiling away.  We were both thinking the same thing, 'How lucky are we?  How many times did we hope and pray for a moment just like this?'  Those thoughts come so often and usually in the smallest and simplest of moments.  We think of the numerous times we wished we were that very couple watching their little one play.

I have kept a separate journal for Blaze to jot down my most intimate thoughts and capture all the little things he says and does.  Today this is what I wrote with joyful tears:

You are the most amazing thing in the world.  Every single day I am in awe of you.   I still can’t believe that you are ours and so perfect in every imaginable way.  I can’t even really put it into words.  I hope and pray that you will always know how very much you are loved and cherished. And know just how deeply we hoped and prayed for you.  Not one day goes by that I don't thank God for blessing us with such an incredible little boy.  Never did I believe that we would have given us such a child as perfect as you.  Just 18 short months ago the Doctor placed you in my arms and I could never know the strength of that kind of love that I felt at that very moment.  It is a love a million times stronger then any love I have ever felt and it grows stronger and deeper with every passing moment.  My heart feels like it will burst sometimes when I hear you say, "Mommy".  Such a simple word but one that I have never been called before and a word I will cherish forever.  You are my world my every breath, my life, my love, my everything.

Busy, Busy, Busy...and soon to get Busier!

Yep no time to chat, just swamped with life as we know it, preparing for baby (x2) this time.  OH BOY here we go again!  I don't think it has really sunk in and probably won't until I am standing there holding our 2 little ones in my arms with Blaze pulling on my pant leg for some attention too.  But, that's all stuff for the other blog...

Blaze is growing like a weed.  He will be 18 months already on the 26th of this month. He seems to get taller by the day and we notice it even more when he is opening all the doors, drawers and cupboards or getting things off the counter that used to be way out of his reach.
 
He is learning to climb and no chair or couch is too tough for our little man.  Tonight we found him in the spare room, up on Gerry's Grampie's 100 year old chair standing tall all proud of himself then minutes later out on the couch in the living room peaking over the back at us while we cooked supper.  Little stinker.  When we try to chase after him to get what ever he has in his hands that he shouldn't, he runs off making a game out of it and if we get too close well then whatever is in his hand gets thrown to the floor.  That's my BOY!  Every time, I just look at Gerry and say with a chuckle...'You wanted a boy!'

I swear he gets cuter by the day (Blaze that is, but yes my husband is aging gracefully and I fall more in love with him everyday).  We have been trying to style his hair some, so he is not a total 'Justin Beiber look-a-like', although he is Canadian and a cute kid. But I digress, So, in trying cool hair styles that also means I have to be diligent in keeping it cut so I can make him a little fo-hawk now and then.  He does have nice wavy light brown hair so he will be blessed when he is older I am sure with easy to style hair.  His BIG brown eyes are a killer, never hesitating to get a look and a smile from the ladies.  Still a lady killer!!!

He is talking more and really trying to carry on a conversation. Too bad the words are quite far from the English language (or any other language we have heard of).  His favorite words are Mommy (Mum for short), Daddy (and Dad), Papa (which still sounds like 'BaPa'), Gamma (which often sounds like Mama), and Dog (with a very long drawn out 'G' (sounds more like Daaawgggg).  But by far his favorite of all is, "Hi!'  He says it all day long even if he has just seen you 2 minutes early and you walk back into the room, he greets you with a high-pitched little 'Hi!' that truly melts your heart.  He will say it at the darnest moments to anyone and everyone that is in earshot.  We are trying to expand his vocabulary some, but he is pretty content on jabbering away in his own language and thinking we know exactly what he is saying.

He likes walking backwards then sitting on whatever he bumps into to, including Neyla.  He still loves music and when we tell him to dance he wiggles his hips and shimmy's his shoulders, it is so cute. His latest pastime is spinning in circles and falling to the ground with a giggle.

He loves to explore.  Getting into everything that is not tied down or one of his many toys.  Every animal is pretty much a dog.  Everyone on the phone is either Dad or Papa.  He will wave 'bye' to the phone and either blow kisses or give the phone a big wet kiss to whomever is on the other end.  Too bad they can't hear either.
He, like most toddlers loves to imitate,  which makes for some fun meals out at restaurants when he decides to mimic the laughing couple next to us or the coughing old guy at the table across.  We can't help but smile and laugh with him.  Mommy's new thing she taught him since he DID say Dada first is me saying,  "Who loves Blaze???"  And his answer, "Mommy!"  of course. Teeheehee just had to do it!

He is such a good natured child.  I thank God each and every day and find myself saying, 'If the twins are even 1/2 as good as him...'  He almost never cries.  No exaggeration.  People laugh when he gets upset cause it lasts all of 1-2 minutes and he reverts back to his happy-go-lucky self.  And when I say 'upset'  its maybe some whining, a few tears or a mad face, really nothing to ever complain about.  We notice it even more when someone comments by saying, 'is he always this good?' or 'that's as upset as he gets?'.  And my parents tell us over and over again that they can't get over what a good child he is. 

 He LOVES people. No matter where we go he ends up being the center of attention.  We found a new park just around the corner from our house that is huge and he loves to go from swing to slide (the bigger the better) to monkey bars to stairs.  He is our little dare devil and truly has NO fear but remains cautious.  I am foreseeing a future with some pretty big boo boo's like his Daddy had when he was little. 

Since Blaze is now following us into the bathroom and tries looking between our legs while we are on the toilet (those with toddlers, totally know what I am talking about) we thought it was a great time to introduce the potty.We bought Blaze the Fisher Price Cheer for Me Potty Chair and we are slowly getting him used to the idea.  If he uses it properly it plays a song and says rewarding phrases.  So NO singing from the potty just yet, this may take a while.    Every night before bath-time the diaper comes off and he sits on the potty (well more like on all 4's up in the air and backs on to it).  He sits quietly for just a few seconds, but hey its a start.  We aren't pushing it, but how nice would it be to have him potty trained before the twins arrived...Ya right...wishful thinking I know! 

So far he has mastered a few signs (well Blaze's signs) from his Baby Signing Time videos.  I try to sign as much as possible when I am home with him.  He now consistently knows and does, 'All done/finished,' 'more,' 'please,' 'eat', 'hat' and 'airplane'  He uses them appropriately too.

On a different note, we have been busy with telling 'our story.'  We are approached via email quite often for requests to do media stuff.  In the past we have gracefully declined many because of the hassle of negative feedback and the time it takes to invest our free time.  A few weeks back we received back to back requests for a few different things.  The first one being the largest Swiss publisher who writes for many Swiss and European magazines and is planning on marketing a magazine on reproduction solely being distributed digitally for the IPAD, Kindle, and numerous other electronic books and also in several languages.  We thought about it quite hard and then said sure what the heck, we are thrilled about the twins and can't say enough how blessed we are to have Blaze, and as always sing the praises of our incredible clinic, Surrogacy India and amazing doctors Dr.Yash and Dr.Sudhir.  Next thing we knew there was a photographer and journalist on our doorsteps for an entire weekend to capture us in our 'everyday' life.  It was a very long, but productive weekend.  Blaze truly had a blast, especially when the photographer got on the ground to get photos which in his eyes was to play with him.  He loved looking into the screen on her camera and seeing Mommy and Daddy.  The journalist had taken the time to read the entire blog (wow, I don't know anyone who has read the whole thing...I was impressed) and loved spending time with Blaze, who was our little shining star.  I joked how we felt like we were being followed by the paparazzi and got a few strange looks from on-lookers at the local grocery store and restaurants.  In the end we hope we did their story justice and help spread the word of India being an affordable and attainable way to have a family for those who can't the regular way.

The second request was from an author interested in writing a book on infertility and wanting to feature our story as part of her book.  The funny thing was after chatting with her on the phone and getting to know her, I then took the time to research her.  Low and behold she has written 2 New York Times best sellers here in the States.  Now I felt like a bit of a dummy!  She was truly wonderful to talk to and such a down-to-earth humble person who told me, 'us and our story are inspirational.'  WOW....I was floored that a person of her notoriety thought that about us???  Kind of still blows me away when people say such kind and amazing things.  We truly are just a simple family created through a less then conventional way, but still just simple.  So, it will take a couple of years for the book to be completed, but if you see us all on Oprah in a few years you'll know that her third book was also a best seller...LOL.  Seriously though, how awesome would it be to have the positive and wonderful side of surrogacy in India spread to thousands of people (NOT by us on Oprah) but through her words in a best selling book.  I could only dream that it would be possible after so many years of strange looks and odd faces when we tell our story.   Any how, I still feel strange being the topic of anyone's story or article we don't feel any different then any other American family. 

Blaze continues to love swimming.  He is doing so awesome in his Survival Class.  The first couple of classes were full of tears, but Coach Bryce assured us it is quite normal for the first couple of classes while they adjust to Mommy and Daddy not being with them in the pool.  He was right on the mark, by the 3rd class Blaze was a happy little camper back to enjoying class.  He now floats for long periods on his back with his arms and legs out straight with just a little hand from the Coach under the back of his head,  He jumps in from the side of the pool and comes up and hangs on to the side all by himself and goes hand to hand all the way along to the steps.  He sits quietly on the steps with his 2 other classmates and waits for his turn with his one-on-one time with Coach Bryce.  He is all smiles and picks up very fast.  Papa and Grandma came this week and couldn't believe what progress he has made in such a short time.  Sad thing is we don't know if we can afford to put all 3 kids in swim class which kinda stinks as it has been so GREAT for Blaze.  At least we have our own pool so its not like they won't learn how to swim, just most likely not the same as Blaze has.

We got some heart-wrenching news the other day about one of Gerry's co-workers at the Fire Station. His son, just 2 1/2 years old was diagnosed with leukemia.  I came home from work that night after finding out at the end of my shift and went in and grabbed Blaze from his crib and just hugged him for what seemed like hours not wanting to let him go.  The tears flowed down my face at the thought of such a horrific thing happening to any child broke my heart.  I can't even begin to fathom what their family is suffering. Life is much too short to take even one minute for granted.   If you are reading this please add little Brody to your prayers he has a long and difficult fight ahead of him. 

There really is SO much to tell and I could go on and on and on about our amazing little man, but who has the time to write or read it all.  We are just the proudest parents in the world, and can't believe to this day that he is OUR precious little angel.

 

2nd Trimester...Can I get a WOOO HOOO!?! (from Doubly Blessed)

We are uneventfully entering our 2nd trimester.  WHEWWWWWW!  (Insert very big sigh of relief here)

All is going well with FB and our little ones.  We had our Nucal Fold Thickness scan ( just a fancy term for testing for Down Syndrome and other chromosomal defects of the fetuses by looking at the fluid around the neck) done at the delivering hospital just the other day and the results were GREAT!!!  Baby A is measuring about 5 days smaller then Baby B, Fetal heart rates are 150 and 152 and both have a nasal bone and all that other good stuff they look for.  Basically both look great and the scan report says all is well in utero.

Our official due date now by ultrasound is August 24, 2011.  That is 2 days before Blaze's birthday ( he was 3 weeks early).  Now it is unlikely that they will go to the full 40 weeks, but still Blaze's siblings will be almost 2 years apart from him.  I think that is the perfect age difference. 

We are trying to prepare...once again.  A little part of me is REALLY hoping we have at least one boy, since I went a little crazy with clothes, shoes, hats and little boy stuff for Blaze.  It would be such a shame to not be able to use it all again since it is basically all like-new.

The big question always seems to be the same..."So, do you know what you are having?" And our answer still and always remains the same..."Not until they are born."  It gets some strange looks but when we explain the policy of India it usually changes to a smile and, "Wow that's a great surprise!" Truly I am just hoping and praying for 2 healthy babies no matter what sex.  We are already listing our favorite names and have to come up with 2 of each...not such an easy task.  After all we do have a 'Blaze' and I don't think a 'Joe' or 'Jane' sounds just quite right. 

It feels all so strange to be going through this journey again.  Same similar feelings when the emails and phone calls come through from India, your heart skips a little beat.  We have decided to make our 3 car garage into a 2 car garage and build an enclosed play room with access to the house, for the kids.  A pretty big task to take on.  Blaze's rain-forest themed nursery will now be the twins (with a little work on refinishing the crib since Beaver Blaze made work of that).  It is a gender neutral theme so we can't go wrong.  So, Blaze will move next door into one of the spare bedrooms.  We are still deciding on a theme for him, but Gerry found a cool Firetruck bed on Craigslists and we thought that might be a slightly easier chore then the months of work put into the nursery. 

We are feeling slightly more comfortable with the process of India, etc. since this will be our second time around.  But it will be almost 2 years since our last visit, so we are preparing for any changes as with the bureaucracy of India we are sure some have occurred. 

I am a little more relaxed at this part of the journey, but much more anxious about the coming months and the fact that we will now have 2 newborns and a toddler in tow.  I think I am having anxiety attacks regularly when I start to think about all of it.  I now can officially say I am freaking out.  Excited, but super duper scared and anxious of doing it all again times 2,  plus 1.   Oh my...just typing it, makes my heart race.  Now Gerry on the other hand is Mr. Cool Cucumber...'We will be fine.'  'How hard can it be?' 'I am sure we will have struggles, but everything will be okay.'  Yes, as always, I am the glass half empty and he is half full.  We make a great team though, as we certainly meet somewhere in the middle with us both being at either ends of the spectrum of feelings.  I suppose only time will tell, and in my eyes time is flying by.

So without further ado... here are our perfectly precious babes:

Where to begin? (post from Doubly Blessed)

For those who are reading for the first time and don't know us.  We joyfully welcomed our beautiful baby boy BLAZE XENNON into the world August 26th, 2009.  After starting the Journey to Surrogacy in India back in early 2008.  It was a very long, emotion-filled journey for us, but was hands down the very BEST day of our lives when he entered this world and we held him in our arms for the first time.

Fast forward 15 or so months later...

we talked about having a sibling for Blaze.  Were we being selfish after being blessed with such a miracle in him?  He has and continues to be, such an amazing child.  Yes I know, EVERYONE says that about their children, but we are truly lucky.  Many people comment on how they 'have never seen such a great kid' (not even their own children were as good as Blaze!')  He has had NO skin issues, he was not a fussy baby and is not a cranky toddler, he eats great, he has slept through the night since he was 8 weeks old, he is very, very healthy, and he has such a great demeanor.  He is SO happy, SO friendly, SO sociable, etc. etc. etc. Were we betting the odds in that we would have another child even half as good as Blaze?  Could we afford to go through another cycle in India?  Would Blaze's egg donor be available?  Did we want to start the roller-coaster of emotions ALL over again with the possible failures, the 9 months on pins and needles having our surrogate thousands of miles away.  We knew she would be in the BEST of hands with Blaze's Godparents AKA the Doctors of SurrogacyIndia, Dr. Sudhir and Dr. Yashodhara, but it is still so nerve racking...what pregnancy isn't right?

We talked and we talked, going back and forth, when would be the perfect time?  Blaze was getting older, and so were we! 

Fate would this time be in our favor!  We were chatting with Dr. Sudhir as we have done many a night for the last 3 years.  Out of the blue he asks "when are we going to give Blaze a sibling?"  We hummed and hawed and gave them all of our excuses and reasoning and blah, blah, blah.  Then he tells us, "We have been searching for over 6 months and we have found Blaze's egg donor"'  REALLY???  It gets even better, "She has agreed to do just one last cycle for them."  WHAT??!!  Could this be true? It had to be fate.  This was our time.  So we agreed to not mess with fate and go ahead.  This just has to be a sign that it is the right time to do this again.  So we said, okay we are ready.

At this point, the rest seems like just a blur.  We went through the process. Next thing I know, we get the phone call  'You are pregnant!'  Your beta number is 561.7.  I remember my mouth dropping open and thinking, 'Is this what I think it is...twins????!!!!'  OH NO!  What did we get ourselves into?  We only wanted one more child.  But as they say, be careful what you wish for.   My worst fear and greatest dream was about to come true.

Here are the STATS thus far:

Nov. 30, 2010 - Our amazing egg donor produces 18 eggs.  14 are mature.

Dec. 2, 2010 - 3 embryos are transferred to FB (our chosen surrogate)

Dec. 14, 2010 - The phone call arrives....POSITIVE PREGNANCY!  Beta number 561.7

Dec. 18, 2010  - 2nd beta number 2577.0 

Dec. 30, 2010 - Ultra Sound Report is as follows:

           CRL A   6.0 mm -  6 weeks 3 days - cardiac activity well appreciated in this fetus.

           CRL B   6.7 mm -  6 weeks 4 days - cardiac activity well appreciated in this fetus.

           CRL C   1.4mm -  Less then 5 weeks -  Cardiac activity not appreciated in this pole. :(

3 SAC's????  that's a surprise.  All I could think of is...'Thank God we don't have to go through the pain of a selective reduction.  Mother nature is taking over.' 

And so, here we are.  Not just pregnant, but pregnant with TWINS!

 6.5 weeks

Our Journey is about to start ALL over again.  This time x 2!

9 weeks

And now we wait! Wait for the scans, the lab tests, the pictures and the updates...

Blaze's Introduction to The World

  BLAZE'S BIRTH

Recently going through our thousands of pictures and video's and reminiscing.  Look what we found...